Find peace within yourself

 

As you know, I am on this healing journey. I have learned alot and I have learned some things, that I wish I had learned years ago. It would have saved me so much time and heartbreak. 

I know I have a lot of healing to do and I have to put in a lot of work, in order for me to feel better. Both about myself, but also with myself. I have to find peace. But I know, you can't find peace, unless you find the peace within yourself. Everything has to start from you. You have to work on yourself in order for other people to do the same. You have to find that peace, which you are so desperatly trying to find and you are stressing yourself out, because you haven't found it yet and don't know where to find it. But look for it in yourself. Find the light from yourself and only then, will you find the light, peace and love. 

A friend told me this story about a boy and some nails. Let's see if I remember it correctly.  So the boy's father told the boy to take some nails and everytime the boy felt angry, he should hit a nail into a wall.So eveytime the boy felt angry, he hit  a nail into the wall. Really making them stuck. When all of the nails was in the wall, the father then asked the boy to take all of the nails, out of the wall. This was much trickier and harder. The boy did it with much effort though. But when he had taken all of the nails out, the wall was filled with a lot of holes. So each time the boy had slammed a nail into the wall, he had actually destroyed it evenmore, because of his anger, and letting the anger out on that wall. The wall would never be the same again. 

 

I know I am the boy. I know I have a lot of anger inside of me, made from all of the people, who has treated me so badly. All of that hurt has been stuck inside of me for years, not being able to get out. If you just look at my 2022, I had a lot of bad things happening to me. I was with a guy, who I now see, treated me.. well.. not very good. I am not trying to talk ill of him, but honestly there's a lot of bad things I could tell about him on how NOT to do things. But I won't. He's just the perfect examble on how NOT to do things. But one thing I now know is, that you can't hold something over a person, because you did one nice thing. "Remember I gave you this, so you owe me this and that". Everytime you use that, you loose your power and one day, the person who you try to control, will wake up and let you go. Why? Because no one deserves to be treated that way! No one owes you anything, just because you gave them something once. This is a very narcissistic behaviour. I've seen and experienced this one to many times before. 

But... I woke up. Like I said, I saw just how badly I was treated by people. I saw how people took my time, effort and love for granted. I have learned so much! I have learned to be stronger and stand my ground, when I feel like I'm being poorly treated.  I realized that I don't want to waste my time and love on a human, who doesn't deserve it. If we are talking together, see it as a privillige, cause I really don't want to talk with people who will waste my time. If I feel you are important to me, I will spend my time with you. If not... Then I don't want to give you my energy, cause you clearly don't deserve it! 

But how can you wake up from such a nightmare? How can you find the peace and love?.. Well us equestrians have these amazing things called a horse and nature. For me, spending time with my horse doesn't mean only riding. For me, spending time with my horse, means I have to breath like her, feeling like we are one together. If we spend some time in the present with our horse, the horse will help us finding that peace and love, we want so badly. Because I think a lot of equestrians doesn't really realize something very important. Spending time with your horse, does not only mean riding it. Spending time with your horse, means being present in the time and age you are with eachother. Breathing together at the same rythm. This... This is what time with each other means. This goes in any relationship really.. 

So go sit in your horses field. Go feel the earth underneath your hands and feet. Take your shoes off and sit there barefoot and soak all the energy the earth is giving you! Spend some time breathing deep into your core and not just to your shoulders. You have to get that air into your ground. Spend some time clearing your mind from what is bothering you! Then you can find the peace you want!